biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
