I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
