I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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