don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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