That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
