whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
