college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
