I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it because I queefed?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
