I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
