Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
