drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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