did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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