he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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