so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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