Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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