Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
