She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
