At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
