You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
