the condom got lost in my hair
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
