So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
