I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
