I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
