two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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