all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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