he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
