chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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