dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
