If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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