My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
