I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
