I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
