You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
