so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
