Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
