Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
