This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
