so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You can't motorboat a personality
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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