Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
