There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
