i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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