I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
