I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
