i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
