Can Purell be used as lube?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
