just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
