my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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