MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
