omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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