I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
