her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
