Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
