I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
