I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
