I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
