Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
