you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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