nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
