I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
