I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
