if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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