So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
