Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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