dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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