Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
